he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
