pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
