I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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