Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
