don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
