I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
