Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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