ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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