we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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