OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
