I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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