found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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