WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
