I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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