Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize