I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
