I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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