"it" just moved
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
