two words: eviction party
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
