I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize