1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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