why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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