This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
