You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
