I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
