the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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