I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
