we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
