i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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