did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
