All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
