I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
