Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
