Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Found your dick twin last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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