Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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