then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
