After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
