mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
