i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
