my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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