So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
