I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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