And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
