I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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