i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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