First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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