1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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