he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Someone came in the potted fern
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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