Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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