We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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