Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
