i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
