lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I want to be your penis for a week.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
