My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
