So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
