I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
