hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
