I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
