I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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