she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
