Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
