I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
