Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
