so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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