So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
