out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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