Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
