I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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