I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
